It is time Christians started to pay attention and weed out the narcissists in their lives.
I don’t feel I need to go into a deep study of narcissism as it is so widely spoken about today.
But, briefly, I want to point out that there is only one form of narcissism that has been recognized as a mental disorder by the DSM5, and that is Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
All the other forms of narcissism are simply people who are making a personal choice of how they are going to behave—good or bad/ right or wrong.
Making excuses for their mean, nasty, abusive behavior is only going to cause you more pain.
So ask yourself, are you living with unacceptable, hurtful behavior by the people in your life?
What is Narcissism?
Ross Rosenberg, a psychotherapist and renowned expert in codependency, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and trauma treatment says the following about narcissism:
“This can be a complicated question to answer because narcissism is really a general personality trait. You can have healthy narcissism, or you can have pathological narcissism—for example, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, or antisocial personality disorder. Narcissism is a psychological disorder in which the person focuses or over-focuses on their needs while ignoring, diminishing, or marginalizing the needs of others. Often acting in ways that are hurtful to others.”
My journey with hurtful, abusive people (or narcissists)
There are some key things I had to accept in my recovery from narcissistic abuse that were painful for me to accept.
I had to accept that people who said they loved me were lying to me and in their hearts they harbored deep hatred towards me and found pleasure in belittling me.
Here are some things you need to accept if you want to heal from narcissistic abuse:
The narcissist(s) in your life hates you
They are not happy when you succeed
They don’t give you gifts because they like you or love you - they give you gifts to control you
They love to hurt you - it’s why they invite you to all their parties so they can then dismiss you, undermine you, and belittle you
They love demeaning you, belittling you, criticizing you, and making you subordinate to them
They think nothing of you - you have no value in their eyes
They truly believe you are worthless and they are superior to you
They will use you to prop them up, but if you dare show them up in public, you will pay the price
If you go against them and their great ideas or plans, they will mock you and ridicule you
They will try to turn others against you if you unmask them
They have flying monkeys who do their bidding for them so you will have to cut contact with the flying monkeys too
If they are covert narcissists (like an ex of mine from years ago), they will punish you for not going along with their show and not bowing down to them. They can be spiteful and malicious, so watch out!
They pretend to like you but they find it hard to give you a true compliment - instead, they flatter you to disarm you and control you
If you share something new or positive that you are doing or achieved in your life, they may go completely silent because of their deep envy
The only way you can have a relationship with a narcissist is by giving up your Self (which is what some codependents do)
Loving them does not make them change - in fact, they get worse when you love them and try to work on the relationship. They hate love
Narcissistic people are grandiose, have a huge sense of entitlement, and see no need to ever change. If you dare challenge them or look for equality in the relationship, they will turn on you and say you are the problem
If you choose to stay in a relationship with a narcissist you must give them lots of praise and admiration, never challenge them, and go along with all their ideas and plans.
You must fade into the background and be their cheerleader 24/7.
The choice is yours, but if you are close to someone like this and you are not ready to leave them, then you need to at least educate yourself on how to keep your sanity around them.
The best way to do this is to set boundaries and find other people in your life who will give you the support and love you require.
God is clearly against such wicked, deceitful behavior. It is not your job as a Christian to try to change these people. You are wasting your time.
They don’t want to change!
Jesus did not tolerate such arrogance, so why would you?
They enjoy the power they get from deceiving innocent, loving men, women, and children. They are children of the devil and that’s the truth.
They can’t say that in secular circles but if you are a born-again believer, you know the difference between light and dark and these people are walking in darkness.
Definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
“Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy per the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5). The disorder is classified in the dimensional model of "Personality Disorders."
Good mental health has to start with loving people changing. As long as we tolerate their wicked behavior, the longer they will do it.
Let the flying monkeys stay and enable them. That’s not our concern.
If you want to serve the Lord and walk the narrow path of integrity and holiness then you better start educating yourself so you can start loving the people who will accept and benefit from your love.
Not everyone will accept the gospel even if they have heard it a million times. Some people (narcissists) refuse to repent.
Some may see that what they have done was wrong, but usually, it isn’t enough to move them towards repentance because they have little to no empathy for others.
The DSM-5 indicates that persons with NPD usually display some or all of the following symptoms:
Grandiosity
A deep sense of entitlement
Fantasies of power and success
See themselves as superior to others
Need for continual admiration
Exploitative for personal gain
Refuse to empathize
Extremely envious
Arrogant - puffed up
Final thoughts—
We have compassion for people who are acting in these hurtful, damaging ways, but we must not enable them to continue as they are hurting a lot of innocent, vulnerable people.
“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”
Thank you for listening and reading!
